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i accidentally looked at my bank account balance last week and got to thinking that it's really ridiculous for me to be living in a (very clean) one-room dump (in a very trendy part of town), so i just casually started mentioning i wanted to move to someplace bigger, and ended up being presented with The Most Awesome Apartment ever.

it is

1. huge

2. old-school japanese-style, with two rooms with straw mat floors and three rooms with hardwood floors

3. like a ninja fortress, with sliding doors and hidden stairways

4. very very clean and sparkly

the landlord for some reason is DEAD SET on me living there, and even knocked a THOUSAND DOLLARS off the monthly rent. wow! (full disclosure: this man is a member of a buddhist cult (one of the nice cults) that happens to believe that i am the first-ever reincarnation of a particular zen ascetic from the fourteenth century (full disclosure: the zen ascetic's life in the fourteenth century was his first-ever one on earth.) i keep saying things to try to jinx myself to put the idea out of my head, things like, "hmm, do you think if i put a thirty-watt guitar amp and a drum kit in this room it would disturb the tenants downstairs? and he's like, dude, just tape egg cartons to the walls -- these floors are two feet of solid concrete.

so i guess i told them ten minutes ago that yes, i guess i'll live there.

so, as of march first, i will be living in my Adult House. it has:

a living room the size of my current apartment

a kitchen half the size of my current apartment

a master bedroom the size of my current apartment

a second bedroom the size of my current apartment

a third bedroom 3/4 the size of my current apartment

a hallway the combined floorspace of which is about = the size of my current apartment

an upstairs bedroom half the size of my current apartment

an attic

combined closet space equal to roughly 1.5 times the size of my current apartment

all mahogany floors

rough stone walls

floor to ceiling windows

and the kicker -- a roof eight times the square-footage of my current apartment.

in addition to this, there is a beautiful supermarket in the neighboring building, and another supermarket down the road. i am a thirty-second walk from shin-koenji station, which is the indisputably hippest place in tokyo.

anyway, back to the roof: it is fucking magnificent, and it's all mine. one side of the roof looks down on Pal Street, the super-hip shopping district of koenji; it is surrounded on all other three sides by the windowless concrete facades of other, taller buildings.

(my roof is the fifth floor)

so the question is: what do i do with this huge roof?

things that i will do with the roof are as follows:

1. weight bench (i will get a rain tarp to put up over the weight bench so i can even work out in the rain)

2. astroturf -- why not astroturf the whole roof? it feels nice to walk on astroturf in bare feet

3. garden -- tomatoes! i could totally grow my own tomatoes, and probably lots of spices. basil, etc. i've never grown my own garlic though i'd be willing to try that, too. i will also put up several potted ferns around the

3. tent -- i have wanted to put a tent in my house since like age six. i remember thinking i would get a tent and put it in my bedroom in my first apartment in tokyo, and then i never did it. well, this time i am going to get a fuckin' tent and put it on my astroturfed, gardened up roof. i will surround it with ferns, so it's like you're in the jungle. i will put a sleeping bag in there.

i joked to the landlord "so i've decided to put astroturf, a bunch of ferns, and a tent on the roof and charge people like maybe 10,000 yen a week to sleep in it". he LOL'd and said: "that'd be a great idea!"

i was like: that wouldn't be a . . . violation of the contract?

he looked at me like i had something on my face: "why would it be?"

wow! just when you're starting to really hate being someplace, you find Really Cool People.

so -- in summary: as of around april, 2009, i will be in the landlording business. if you would like to rent a tent atop the hippest, most astroturfed roof in tokyo for around $130 a week (let's say $200 a week for two!), please email me at tim108 (at) gmail (dot) com with the subject line "i like your roof".

there will be pictures of the roof, eventually, though i figure some people might be awesome enough to be smitten with the idea as it exists in mere words: seriously, who wouldn't be in love with the idea of sleeping in a (rugged, high-quality) tent in the middle of a rooftop fern-jungle in tokyo? also, i wanted to give you guys first dibs on reservations before i even think about letting in strangers and weirdoes!

yes, you can use the weight bench, and the kitchen as well. just don't step on my balls. and be sure to scream with each rep on the weight bench; we need to keep the noise level up as high as possible.
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