[klj5j6li]

Basically I didn't have any idea what to play for Konami week, and I sure as hell wasn't about to go pay money for things. I'm George Harrison cheap, guys.

So I decided, "Hey I'm downloading a MAME romset, and I've already got an SNES romset!" and it hit me:

I'm going to play every video game Konami ever made for the Arcade and Super Nintendo, excluding rhythm games because apparently they aren't in this romset and emulate like shit?

After doing some seriously flawed math, I decided I had time to play each game for 10 minutes, but decided to trim 2 minutes off to type a miniature stream of consciousness kind of review for each game, and maybe a little more because I took screenshots of some because stotelheim said I should!

It turned out pretty radical: I played my first gradius game, and my first castlevania game, and once this whole thing is over I'll probably go beat them both! Anyway:

Day 1 I feel behind schedule by about 6 games, so I didn't get to finish up Super Nintendo like I thought I would :( But apparently I typed 11 pages worth of reviews!

Games:
Gradius III:

Time ran out just at the first boss, though granted I did manage 3 game overs, so uh. Basically

this is the first gradius I ever played, mostly because when they were originally coming out I

was busy avoiding this type of game like the plague (the first time I playes a shmup I was

completely outraged that my ship blew up in one shot). Anyway that was apparently a mistake,

since this game was actually pretty alright as far as these types of games go. Personal skill

wise, it might as well have been ikaruga because I was eating hella bullets :(

Legend of the Mystical Ninja:

Well a fortune teller near the beginning told me I was hero of this story(sic) and that I would

do well on my long journey. I guess If I'd decided to take a long journy instead of an 8 minute

journey he would've been right, because I sucked ass at this. I died twice, was mugged twice, hit

a woman once with my opium pipe (you hit people with an opium pipe) and jumped onto dull bamboo a

couple of times. FYI for a mystical ninja he is pretty plain.

Super Castlevania IV:

I think the music in this was pretty catchy, but I've never even played a castlevania game and I

can tell this is probably pretty generic. I was kind of holding out for SOTN on the XBLA but I

mean FUCKING KONAMI BLITZ takes no prisoners. I got to level 1-2, but I think I could've gone

further if I hadn't stopped to break every candle.

Axelay:

First impression was "wow a game that is trying to be 3d while flat things come at me from a flat

horizon and my ship moves left constanlty woohoo". But seriously this game is fucking rad. The 3D

aspect of it first noticeably came into play against what I guess was the first boss? Where I had

to actually manuever the screen towards the right or left to actually dodge the missiles. Also I

was all "man a game where I can run out of bullets how lame", until I noticed enemies were

actually SHOOTING OFF MY FUCKING GUN PODS. Seriously that's hardcore.


Contra III Alien Wars:

"Let's Attack Aggresively" and then I proceed to play the worst game I have ever played of Contra

3 the alien wars, not even getting past level one, which I guess is great since level 2 is some

unbearable bird's eye view thing, I mean yeah it was kind of intuitive but you know it isn't

really that fun! Anyway this is a great game just like all the early contras are!

Cybernator:

I am a big fan of giant robots and I am pretty sure every hot-blooded man in the world is (though

maybe not to the extent of Simon Belmont but that dude is pretty cool so I guess it is a fair

standard), and even if this game did not have GIANT robots, per se, it still had some 2d Armored

COre-esque mech fighting, complete with this nice little shield thing that is pretty useful! I

think I was fighting a boss, but I can't really tell since I skipped all the dialogue, but also I

failed my mission so I guess in retrospect that was a bad idea. But I mean I had a good time

failing, so!

Parodius Da! －Shinwa kara Owarai e－:

Maybe this is just easier than Gradius, because I did a hell of a lot better. If it is easier,

then the game just did a bang up job of making me feel like an expert Octopus pilot anyway! I

lost basically all my lives to the show girl thing that crawls in from behind you, not even sure

if my bullets were hurting her, but oh well! :(

Prince of Persia:

A fine example of a game I was better at when I was a kid. Basically I just ran around a couple

rooms until I either fell into a spike pit or got killed by an enemy in one hit! I noticed

whenever I was around an enemy some inexplicable green bottles appeared next to my red health

bottles, but I don't know what those are for, or why it keeps saying I have 120 minutes

remaining!




Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles In Time!:

Hell yes. I've always been a man who plays Streets of Rage all the time, but I mean the genre as

a whole is usually kind of crummy: Except for fucking turtles in time. This game is excellent.

How many games have you ever played of this style where you hurt the boss by throwing enemies at

your screen, huh? How many games have you played where you can even throw enemies at the screen?

I BET YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED ANY. Not to mention there is a little pizza box with a bomb on it that

makes you just flip out slapping everybody with your nunchucks (i'm always mikey because they

made raphael suck in this game). It is called a Box of hardknocks. This game is excellent.



Batman Returns:

Oh a generic sidescroller beat em up oh boy it has batman in it :). Most games have at least one

redeeming feature, however, and this ones is that when batman does a grapple, you either: A) Flip

them upside down and toss them onto their heads. B) Slam them through glass windows! That's

pretty neat right! Right! The bad thing is, throughout the time I played this game I apparently

had 3 "Test Tubes". I have no idea what these are, and I never used one, so uh. UHHH.



Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster Busts Loose:

I decided to play the beta version of this ROM! I'm just a spontaneous and crazy guy! But

seriously, Buster why don't you go bust into hell with your stupid dash move and 20 second music

loop that I will have stuck in my head for the rest of my life you blue bastard ):<.

Ganbare Goemon 2:

Okay, so the last one of these games didn't do much for me (maybe it picked up sometime after the

8 minutes!), but this one was just fucking rad. It started off on some kind of tropical looking

level where I used a fish robot to ride the waves and shoot at stupid little enemies that cannot

handle my fury. Then I went onto a kind of overworld thing into this little town where, judging

by the intesity of the voice bubbles, this old man proceeded to bitch me out. Then I went to the

next level and road around on a rat-car shooting more pinku bunnies with bazookas and bouncing

things!

Lethal Enforcers:

This game kind of loses it's gimmick without a guntroller, but even without one it was still kind

of fun! I played this back when it came out on the sega, so I was pretty used to it (thought I

shot less civillians than I did when I was a kid. Go me!), but even then it didn't seem like it

mattered how hard/easy it was since I'm pretty sure I had either infinite or just a ton of

continues to use!

Mouryou Senki Madara 2:

I don't even know what the hell this is. I don't speak any japanese, so I basically just watched

some guy take some girl into a building I assume is school? The screen went black and a bell went

dong, then the game just let me walk around in this city. I couldn't go into any house, and when

I finally did I talked to some woman in it and was forced to go to sleep, then I woke up, left,

and took the original girl to I guess school again. Then I found her by some trees and talked to

her, and some ominous music started playing, and I think I took a potion? Seriously what the hell

is this.

NFL Football:

This isn't European football just FYI I am saying it in advance. The graphics and camera angles

in this game are kind of neat, but the play selection is really confusing and I have no idea what

the hell I was doing. Passes went through 1/3rd of the time no matter how little the distance

once, and I think I spent the whole 8 minutes of playing this within the same 10 yards. Whee.



Pop'n Twinbee:

Okay so I think this is my second Cute Em Up of the day and it's pretty good as well! The

shooting at ground enemies with a different button is inovative as far as I'm concerned! Other

than that I think it's just a standard bird's eye view cute em up, though. Oh well!

[klj5j6li]

Sunset Riders:

I'm pretty sure I don't even need to say that a game with a mexican cowboy in a pink sombrero is
just great. Add that to the fact that the bosses all have corny old western lines ("YA GOT ME
PILGRIM"), and I'm seriously thinking we should retcon this game to be the actual wild west,
green bullet balls and all. I didn't really experience this in my FUCKING KONAMI BLITZ
playthrough, but the last boss is just a bitch to do without a friend, especially on hard mode!
Watch out!



Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters:

You know how the first two teams you fight in King Of Fighters games are always push-overs, and
the third one is usually when they ramp the difficulty up a little more? Fuck that. Ninja Turtles
does not want you to beat this game. I consider myself pretty good at fighting games(they are
like my favorite kind of game)but I could only manage to beat the first opponent ONE ROUND. The
AI in this just punishes. I mean no, I didn't have a move list up, I was just jump kicking and
sweeping. But still!

Zombies Ate My Neighbours:

I think there's not really a point in describing this game since pretty much everyone's played
it, but since I think people think everybody's played Castlevania things and I hadn't until this
day, I'll go ahead! It's pretty good! The music is a little basic, but the level design is solid,
plus I hear there's quite a few of them! Looking for the last survivor can get tedious pretty
quick, I'd assume, but at least enemies keep respawning to give you something to do. Also I
turned into a big purple thing and punched zombies to death!

The Adventures Of Batman And Robin:

Hey hey! This was actually a pretty fun game. The only problem is the cycling through your entire
utility belt, but hey it has a working bathook and batarang, so that's pretty rad huh? The
graphics are also pretty damn stylish and really fit in with the old cartoon show, even the
backgrounds! Also your enemies are actually kind of batmanny, unlike the other one which included
"thin clown" and "fat clown", this one includes "generic mobster with mobster hat" and "generic
mobster with tommy gun"! Also the joker! Maybe other characters? I don't know, I only played the
first level.

Animaniacs:

Everybody knows how crazy and wild the animaniacs are. They're friggin nuts! Ha ha! So what could
make them even more nuts?! A video game! Plus I got the japanese version! This is insane! and
nuts! This game doesn't even have a health bar or any way to attack, you just run around and
occasionally make a bald guy jump out of a window, or get chased by a fat cop! The good cop and
the bad cop left for the day.... I'm a different kind of cop... remember those old The Shield
commercials?



Biker Mice From Mars (BROUGHT TO YOU BY SNICKERS):

Oh cool, anthromorphic mice with attitudes who ride motorcycles and are from space? Sign me up! I
never watched a whole episode of this show, but judging by the fact that everybody in this game
has a snickers bar in their hand at all times, and that you can even eat a snickers bar while
you're racing, I bet it was a multi-million dollar franchise! Also everybody in this game has
infinity items except you. They all have these little bombs that turn you into an owl or some
shit and you run real slow and basically are guaranteed not to win the race, ever. It's a pretty
fun game maybe, if you're not playing against the computer?



Ganbare Goemon 3:

Another one of a series that is getting progressively better! Or uh, got progressively better
years ago! I don't know. This one doesn't start you out IN THE ACTION, rather you have to be
lucky enough to run into a shop selling something that vaguely remembers an inner tube, and also
figure out that it's what you need to get into water within 8 minutes, and I was! The platformer
part of this game had more puzzle action, and I even had to switch to the other guy in this one!

Gokujō Parodius! ～Kako no Eikō o Motomete～:

Possibly even better than the other Parodius, mostly because you can play as Goemon, who I happen
think is a totally cool guy now. My time expired shortly after the magic giant bitch mermaid
ruined my high score with her stupid tail slap thing. :(

International Superstar Soccer:

Sweden beats America 2-0 in the first ever 8 minute soccer game :(

Jikkyou Powerful Pro Yakyuu '94:

Thanks for all these bad sports games. I was the Chunichi Dragons (JUST BECAUSE MR HOSHINO
WOULD'VE BEEN) and basically the other team hits the ball every time, and you hit the ball never.
Plus the base throwing buttons are so fucking convuluted it's ridiculous!

Twinbee: Rainbow Bell Adventures:
I think this was supposed to be kind of like Sonic but someone just poured moe all over it. If
you can get over the fact that it's pretty much the most flamboyant thing a man could ever play,
maybe you'll learn how to fly in it! That's pretty fun!

Sparkster:
This game was alright, maybe just a little bit of a generic 90s platformer? The music was pretty
nice, plus there were those little things they always put into these types of games for you to
collect, but I don't really know why I was trying to collect them. They weren't your health or
money or anything so uh. I guess it is just hardwired into my soul to collect anything that there
is more than one of in games now! Also there was some kind of apple that was dripping water or something behind a box and I didn't really feel like figuring out how to break the box or get around it so that was that!



Tiny Toons Wild and Whacky Sports:

It's like Mario Party except the minigames are dumb, it's one player, there's no board, if you don't get an obscene amount of points for each round the game ends and you have to do the dumb minigames all over again. I am glad I limited myself to 8 minutes for each game, because I feel losing time with the others was worth it to lose time with these tiny toons games.

International Superstar Soccer Deluxe:

This wasn't very fun either, but it was more fun than the american football game so I guess
european football really is better! Oh no!

[professor_scissors]

This is a thread of legend.

[another coma]

YEOW

this is a hot thread alright!
_________________

[shnozlak]

Playing

Castlevania Bloodlines (I kinda suck at early CV's but its just so fun)

Goemon Mystical Ninja (cant figure out the toy stage entrance)

Garfield the hand held (actually not terrible)

Rocket Knight (better than Sparkster damn it) But I can barely get past the train monster...

But hell im not going to get anywhere in these this week as Ive got like a paper and a test and a girl who's a goddamn roller derby skater that I want to ask out for thai food and maybe bowling. Wrong week select button!
_________________
Mixtapes galore ~ VG MUSIC
ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ http://phantom-photon.tumblr.com/

[John Mc.]

interstellar, let us come to your home and take everything of value enjoy your endeavor with you!

[SplashBeats]

No, come here, we have dicks by the thousands :(

[rabite gets whacked!]

I was going to do this on the gamecube, but then I realized everything on there beside Twin Snakes was either Ninja Turtles, Frogger or Xtreme sports with Snake/Mickey Mouse. My interest waned.

[Ebrey]

When FKW is over, you should play Assault Suit Valken, which is the Japanese version of Cybernator with 4 times as much dialogue and cool anime portraits (and which has been translated by Gideon Zhi's group just like everything else on the SNES!). Also Sparkster has a Genesis prequel, Rocket Knight Adventures, that's real cool. there's also a Genesis "Sparkster" that's completely different.

[klj5j6li]

[Loki Laufeyson]

was metal warriors by konami? unfrtunately, it's about mecha, and not hammerfall and manowar, though. :(

[klj5j6li]

[Rud31]

that wikipedia page is gorgeous.
_________________
My Hawt Blog Vita Games

THERE ARE DEFINITELY WORSE VIDEO GAME PODCASTS

[klj5j6li]

[klj5j6li]

Day 2: Catching up a little!

Castlevania: Dracula X:

This game was pretty good, and I guess the X means the made the music more X-treme even though it

didn't really seem to fight with the scenery at all? The fire in the background was pretty neat,

but honestly jumping over pits with those medusa head things got pretty frustrating. After that I

was in a room with some sort of half lizard half-missing thing and some pit that I am forced to

assume was jumpable with maybe a pixel of room for error!
Tsuyoshi Shikkarai Shinasai: Taisen Puzzle-dama:

I'd be lieing if I said I even knew how to play this game, but it was still kind of enjoyable. I

actually managed to win like three matches in a row before some smug mother fucker with glasses

and a nerdy sweater took me out in much the same fashion I dispatched his predeccessors.



Jikkyou Oshaberi Parodius:

Parodius games are pretty fun but this one was the hardest one so far I think. As soon as I

started once I got killed by a giant konami sign (thanks konami). Other than that it was just

kind of the standard parodius fare. Hell even the konami sign was probably standard parodius

fare. There are a lot more characters now, though.

Ganbare Goemon 4 ~Japanese Subtitle~:

I should probably just get a guide, sit down, and beat one of these, but honestly I still have at

least 150 games to go, so I'll just say that this seemed a lot like the other ones, except that

instead of the option to change characters during the stage they all just have their own little

levels/overworlds and towns. Also theres a new character I think.

Jikkyou Powerful Pro Yakyuu 2:

The Chunichi Dragons ride again!

The Chunichi Dragons fail again!

Metal Warriors:


This played like a lot faster version of Cybernator, and for all I know they were probably done

by a lot of the same people! One thing added is the functionality of getting out of your suit to

shoot people who also got out of their suit, and hopping into a brand new suit that is identical

to your old one! If Cybernator had this, it sure as hell wasn't in the first level

NBA Give 'n Go:

Am I a racist for thinking that the creators of this game just mispelled "Jive" wrong? Either way

this game was awful, mostly because the other team will never try to strip you from the ball, you

will never succeed in stripping them of the ball, so all that happens is just you both run back

and forth dunking.

Jikkyou Power Pro Wrestling '96 - Max Voltage:

Okay uh I didn't even know wrestling was popular in Japan, and apparently it isn't because it

didn't even let me pick a character. We were both just generic wrestlemen. After fucking around a

couple times in the 1v1 mode, it froze up twice, I got thrown outside the ring once and didn't

know how to get back in so I lost! Also I tried out the MAX VOLTAGE mode (the main menu is in

english), but apparently it was like MAX MENU mode because I didn't even get to slam one single

person the WHOLE TIME. :(

Jikkyou Powerful Pro Yakyuu '96 Kaimaku Han:

I actually got a hit this time and also made it to the second inning! This game is still bad

though, even though there's like five of them.

Jikkyou Powerful Pro Yakyuu 3:

Seriously there's like six of these games and they're all the same.

Tokimeki Memorial - Densetsu no Ki no Shita de:

Okay, I don't speak japanese and I basically know like 10 of the squiggles and I can barely even

keep those straight, so I don't even know why I bothered with this game. I mashed the A button as

fast as I could, and I only made one choice.



When I finally went to my house (I say finally but I wasn't really anticipating it at all), I clicked what looked like chemicals and he basically did some balancing act and was all :D! Then I picked the book and the menu went black, and it started flickering black. Eventually, piece by piece, the menus started disappearing, so uh I guess I failed the book test pretty hard. After that I just assumed this was God's way of telling me not to play this game, so I stopped! Sorry Haircute!




Jikkyou Powerful Pro Yakyuu 3 '97 Haru:

I hit the ball like three times this time but THEY CAUGHT EVERY FUCKING ONE.



Jikkyou Powerful Pro Yakyuu: Basic Han '98

Super Nintendo fails to close with a bang, and instead ends with another fucking chibi-baseball

game where it is impossible to be.

Scramble:

This was pretty good, and I don't mean "good for a game from the 80's"! The 80's were a pretty

good time, they can't hide behind that shit!

Video Hustler:

This was I think the best pool simulator, and that includes those shitty flash ones that are all

over the internet!

Super Cobra:

I flew a helicopter 1000 miles, apparently, in next to no time! I didn't manage to take any

booty, but oh well I guess I will have to become a pirate and/or serial rapist for real to

fulfill the frustration this game put into me :(

Jungler:

This game took a while to figure out, but I wound up getting a high score on the second credit!

Hell yes!

Strategy X:

A pretty tough game, and it is probably just my setup but rotating the turret was a bitch. I did

not get a high score in this game, and I don't think I even got close. It gets points for having

the most akward "CONTINUE?" screen ever, though.


Tactician:

It has a pretty unique concept, and I did get a high score, but honestly it was kind of more than

I could handle?

Space Wars:

It occured to me that when playing these old school games, I should post my high score instead of

saying what I got! Unfortunately this shit didn't work, all it did was display the number of

credits I put in. My high score is 31 coins!

Turtles:

3290, I only made it to floor 2. Save turtles from "?" blocks while laying traps for uh..frogs?

It's a pretty okay game, just like every Arcade game so far!

Amidar:

Uh this is Pac-Man, more or less? After the first level it let me play some bonus round which was

basically like that drawing lots game people play, where you draw a bunch of lines and randomly

connect them, and make the end of one certain line the "WIN" point? And everybody picks a line

and has to follow every branch of their line, and whoever gets to the end of the winning line

wins! Except in this you just get some bananas? I got 6000 or so.

Pooyan:

31350. I have no idea how to take out those flashing balloons on the second level, but I can now

totally empathize with professor_scissors. I let those pigs die :(

Time Pilot:

40100. I can totally see the Treasure team as little kids playing this game. It's pretty unique, as far as I

know!

Tutankham:

I didn't even get a high score in this, but I did notice that Konami's logo is getting a lot

flashier! Way to go Konami!


Roc'N Rope:

I couldn't even get past the first level. My last score was 1260. Seriously. professor_scissors

please do not make a fool of me :(

Loco-Motion:

This was an alright game! A little slow-paced, and takes a while to figure out how to move things

the way you want, but after that it's decent! 3180.

[klj5j6li]

Day 3:
I am going to finish this shit like 2 days early apparently, because I did at least 60 games today.



Track & Field:

I think it's ironic that the only sport I ever beat anybody at (long jump) is the one that I lost at in a video game.

Gyruss:

It's called Gyruss because you spin around I bet. Playing this on a D-Pad kind of sucks. Two warps to neptune I think is a pretty cool first-thing-to-see-when-the-game-starts though, followed by the slightly less cool "three warps to uranus".

Sparky:

I didn't have a game called Sparky so I played Sparkz instead. It sucked but I think it was because I was so awful at it.

Mega Zone:

Mega Zone is not really a mega zone it's a game where you drive a boat and shoot at things that are shooting at you. Pretty plain!

Juno First:

Usually Konami arcade game high scores are like: 1st: KO 2nd: NA 3rd: MI 4:th OO but this time I was just up against the high scores of AAA and AAA. I beat them! Go ETM!



Time Pilot '84:

I think this is the first game I actually played well enough to get one of the promised point bonuses from the first screen.

Road Fighter:

This was like the only racing game I ever played for more than 5 minutes, and it was prettty okay once I figured out there was a button to basically double your speed. You can't bump other cars onto train tracks or anything though.

Super Basketball:

First off, you can't even run in this game, to my knowledge, and if there's some other way of running than the D-Pad: Why? Secondly, the high score table is lead by JPN, and USA is second? I don't think so Japan. THIS IS BASKETBALL.

Mikie:

I don't even know what this is.

Pandora's Palace:

More like reverse version of that old game with Mario and Donkey Kong!!

Circus Charlie:

It's alright. I am running out of things to say about these games

Hyper Sports:

I was going to say this was only a little better than the last one, but then it called me the greatest medalist, so in true IGN fashion I am going to say this shit is 5/5

Yie Ar Kung-Fu:

This game is awesome, and I didn't even get to the last boss. Right before you fight someone it always shows your HOT FIGHTING HISTORY. Seriously. That's hardcore.

Green Beret/Rush'N Attack:

This game gets bonus points for the pun, but also normal points for being pretty good.

Twinbee:

WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT.

Gradius:

THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL GRADIUSES, I KEEP GETTIN OLDER BUT THEY STAY THE SAME



Kicker:

This game was pretty fun, I don't think I could play it for any longer than I did though.



Konami's Ping Pong:

I lost, but mostly, akward controls lose. 11-0 :(

Finalizer:

Like the most boring shmup so far?

Double Dribble:

Oh in konami basketball games you have to tap A to go? Oh. (it still was bad)

Konami GT:

Graphics were messed up and I couldn't figure out how to turn so I just ran into the wall a while,

Jail Break:

Instead of the bullets going whichever way you aim the gun, they go whichever way is most inconvenient. Wheeee.


Mr. Goemon:

I don't know where they got the modern goemon out of this crazy guy, but they both have opium pipes for weapons so I guess they did.


Iron Horse:

The enemies don't even have an attack motion, but maybe this is intentional since they don't even try to fight you.

Salamander:

This even used the same ship as Gradius! It was a little easier, though.

Jackal:

I hate these kinds of games so much.

Blades Of Steel:

Not as bad as the basketball games, but still not that fun.

Combat School:

The third firing range is bullshit. This whole game is bullshit!

Battlantis:

If Battlantis ever gets attacked by Space Invaders they'll be pretty well trained if you catch my drift. ;) ;) ;)

Devil World:

Even the corny voice intro couldn't make up for the fact that this was a baaad gaaame.

Fast Lane:

Run over women to collect powerups! When you inevitably lose, tap A to help some woman carry a large hammer to a test-your-strength game and you will score the lowest possible score!

City Bomber:

Why am I such a mean-spirited jupming car :(

Frogger:

I didn't know Konami made frogger!

MX5000:

A little better than finalizer, but still basically the most generic a shmup can get.

Super contra:

Not the best contra, not the worst, but MAYBE the ugliest.

Haunted Castle:

Why does everything in this game kill me in two hits? Also everytime you put a quarter in, it plays this wolf howling sound which sounds way more like a dude having a good time than a wolf howling!

Devestators:

A pretty unique game, even if the perspective does get kind of annoying. Imagine a vertical scrolling contra where your bullets only go a couple inches but you have infinity grenades and a lock-on bazooka!

Thunder Cross:

It wouldn't be fair to say this was better than other generic shmups just because I did better at this one, but I'm going to anyway. This was better than other generic shmups just because I did better at this one.

Kitten Kaboodle:

Honestly you should just play this one because of the name.

Hot Chase:

This game is actually pretty awesome! You are in the middle of a car chase and being shot at by helicopters and whatnot. The major problem is that sometimes objects like appear before they are supposed to, so you will see a tree THROUGH the road?

Gang Busters:

Another pretty good game, very arcadey. Basically an overhead shmup except you're walking around and delivering mobsters to garbage trucks!

Konami 88:

Sucks. Another crappy track and field game.

Hyper Sports Special:

The game actually tells you that distributing this game outside of Japan constitutes a criminal act. I couldn't agree more!

Gradius II:

FUCK YOU FIRE DRAGONS.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

A real primitive Turtles In Time. So basically it's great but some of the sound effects are just fucking terrible. i.e. hitting a robot or parking meter.

The Simpsons:

TMNT with lazier backgrounds.

Rollergames:

Skate around a ring and hit the punch button, whoever knocks down the most people gets points or something! I won!

Missing In Action:

The sequel to Rush'N Attack doesnot get bonus points for a clever name, and also does not get points for being a decent game because it's the same as the other one!

Crime Fighters:

If you're running triage on which dudes you're going to kick to death after punching to death, that's fucking punk rock. This game is fucking punk rock!

Cue Brick:

This is like Locomotion excet there's an objective and it's actually fun.

Block Hole:

This is a fucking threat against the blitz, because it took every ounce of strength I had to quit playing it. Excellent game. Excellent Excellent Excellent Excellent. Pew pew to the max.

Aliens:

This game is pretty damn good too! Except for the fucking elevator part! Also it has zombies in it?

Lightning Fighters:

God I am so tired of shmups.

Punk Shot:

Basically you are the two goofiest humans that pixels could ever possibly create, and you run around playing 2 on 2 basketball punching anyone who has the ball until they drop it.


Over Drive:

Terrible.

Surprise Attack:

Pretty much one of the best games so far in the FUCKING KONAMI BLITZ. I don't know who posted the thread about this game, but whoever they are they are always right about everything and this new rule is being applied RETROACTIVELY.


Golfing Greats:

This is just a pretty standard golfing game, except for the fact that for some reason the sound kind of sounded like someone was just making some popcorn constantly and it kind of gave me a headache.

Thunder Cross II:

I can't wait til I'm at some kind of nerd party and some guy is talking about shmups and I'll just be all "Dude I've played more shmups in one day than you've played in your entire life. HOW DOES IT FEEEEL."

Vendetta:

Just like Crime Fighters except now after you punch the shit of them as they are down, they will get back up and vomit. Seriously. This game is so fucking punk rock it is ridiculous!

Detana!! Twin Bee:

This one made me completely forget about the original arcade one, because it's just like the SNES one except instead of a bomb you can charge your shots!

Xexex:

Xexex more like Zzzzz

X-Men:

At first I thought this was pretty awesome, but then I realized that what I was using was the drain-your-life-special move and I had to kick and punch and got bored.

GI Joe:

This was a pretty intense game but I saw through their trick. They just sped it up real fast! It's really medium paced!

Bucky O' Hare:

Nice try Bucky O' Hare but you are not punk rock you are just a contra-tmnt-furry mashup!


Asterix:

A beat 'em up that didn't use that TMNT engine/style? Yes. It is. It's pretty good, too!

Hexion:

Tetris with hexagons instead of squares and a hexagonal grid instead of a square one. Seriously that's it.

Martial Champion:

Thanks for the fighting game konami but how about a good one next time lol

Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa:

A pretty decent game, nothing really spectacular, but I mean it's better than the last two games so! Also you fly around on an eagle?


Metamorphic Force:

You can be either a little man who turns into a wolf, some other nerds, or a big guy who turns into a bear. Either way it doesn't make much difference, and whenever you're really low on health a big arrow appears over your head that says "DEAD SOON" like this game is just so sure that you are fucked.


Mystic Warriors:

The horrible emulation on this one really made it like a mystical ninja kind of deal! Basically the entire screen would appear normal, but sometimes I would walk through boxes or climb up air! And by sometimes, I mean all the times! Also engrish:

[Dark Age Iron Savior]

[guest253]

[dmauro]

I think my favorite is your short write-up on X-Men.
_________________

[kthorjensen]

[klj5j6li]

[klj5j6li]

FUCKING KONAMI BLITZ IS OVER, since apparently MAME doesn't support any game made after like 94. Oh well. It's mostly Beatmania/DDR games after that, and those can't be emulated on MAME/I wouldn't play them anyway! If there is some way to get ones made after 97, let me know, otherwise this mission is a total Success, I'd say!

THE FINAL BATCH:

Violent Storm:

Basically the culmination of all those other games where you kick dudes when they're down except a lot better because there's blood and the first boss is a fat guy with a bag over his head. Like Faust!

Gaiapolis:

A pretty plain overhead fighter. I quit literally as soon as I saw the words "LEVEL UP!"

WEC Le Mans 24:

Probably one of the better Konami racers, if not just for the terrible overuse of "Le".

The Hustler:

Everytime I knocked a ball in it was a foul, so I guess Konami should have called this game "My Ex-Wife"! Zing!

Twin Bee Yahhoo!:

The same as the other ones but with stupid anime portraits popping up all the time! Yahooo!!

Trick Trap:

I always used to complain about Smash TV's shooting controls, but after playing about ten games where shooting and aiming consist of the same buttons, I feel safe saying that I'd rather shoot things than run into them

Contra:

They made the NES sprits bigger so they could slap in a bunch of ugly colors, and made the music worse. As soon as this is over I am going to play Hard Corp just to wash these bad contra games away.

Sexy Parodius:

I guess a bunch of animals flying at you is considered sexy in Japan. Yahhoo!

Rock 'N Rage:

This game tests the limits of how much I will reccomend a game just because of its name and its style!!! Walk around with your red mustache and slap mummies with your guitar! Do it!
Here's the walk cycle that I didn't feel like making into an animated gif!:


Quiz Gakumon no Susume:

No thanks!

The Main Event:

I teamed up with a Hulk Hogan lookalike (I was a luchador) and we totally won! Seriously do they have wrestling in Japan?


Escape Kids:

Escape from the boring tap-a track-and-field style minigames in your bright primary colored jumpsuits, kids! Whoever does the best gets to stand on the highest toilet and take his shoe off!


Bottom of the Ninth:

Konami could really stream line their baseball games if they just made it so a "YOU LOSE" message popped up everytime you put a quarter in.

Black Panther:

Even Malcolm X would hate this game. How poetic.

Ajax:

Shitty army shmups were like the World War 2 games of the 80's.

Typhoon:

Ajax but with a different perspective! Unfortunately it's still a not a fun one.

The Final Round:

1: Move towards Clubber Lang
2: Press Button 1 A lot
3: Pray


The End:

If only Block Game had never be created I could say this was their first video game and that I played it! Unfortunately I don't see Block Game anywhere on my MAME program. This is a pretty decent game. Space invaders with a twist: Monsters steal your walls to make your own?! I guess in The End, the walls they take, are equal to the walls you make. Ha ha ha ha!

[Deets]

[klj5j6li]

[dessgeega]