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sifting through bits of one's youth
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diplo



Joined: 18 Dec 2006
Location: Brandy Brendo's bungalow

PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:15 pm    Post subject: sifting through bits of one's youth    Reply with quote

since i'm moving to boston next month, i've been packing everything up. a couple nights ago, i reviewed two boxes filled to the top with old drawings. i scanned and uploaded the ones that i liked the most/would fit onto my scanner.

here's a ten-page star fox story. condensed version.



dealing out appropriate burns



Star Fox: "Ill Try A BOM"
good thinking, star fox



that didn't work. so what's left?
naturally, the BOOM BAM route.





THE END...?



the sand palace's exterior from a link to the past.



m a r e o & co. chilling during a moment of chaos



as a kid, i didn't watch power rangers or play the games. reason a): my mom thought it would stunt my imagination (that i have so much game-inspired art from my childhood still bothers her a bit, i think). reason b): i just didn't watch much tv, anyway. when i did, it would probably be pbs.



vague attempt at 8-bitting wart's outline. spikes galore.



hard to tell what falco is actually saying.
i think he's threatening to blow fox up. why, falco?



a three-page comic, wherein much is revealed, such as the fact that sonic subscribes to a monotheistic religion, has no idea how to make a cup of coffee, and has no shyness towards promoting himself. i'm pretty sure this was an elaborate way of trying to will products into existence upon christmas day.







no more video games.

THE NIGHTS



complete text: "this is a flying monster. he lives in a can. he lives on the moon."



the heads on these things are awesome.



i want to say that this was based on an actual toy set i owned, but i'm not sure.



swamp thing. was obsessed with swamp thing.





drawings exhibiting the mechanics of tools.
many doodles of this type in the boxes.



a whale-shaped submarine, interior visible. below is a giant squid.
20,000 leagues under the sea was my favorite thing ever.



for me, re: animals, it's always been between sea life and insects.
whales and squid specifically in the former.









a gulper eel.



"monstro" could be what i was trying to write in the corner. that's a shark, though, so i'm not sure what's going on. pinnochio was my favorite disney movie because of monstro. i would sometimes pause the movie when it got to that part and draw from the television screen.





sawfish in the top right, i believe. a more movie-accurate depiction of nemo's nautilus in the center. guy being lowered down in a pod, top left.



rorqual whales (those with the folds of skin below extending to the navel) don't have teeth. fantasy!!!



dunkleosteus in the middle. its brief appearance in dinotopia: the world beneath was the main reason i wanted, and got, that book.



another toothed rorqual



sperm whale about to chow down on a squid. a blue ringed octopus looks on with googly-eyes (clearly an indication of overwhelming terror inspired by the scene), while a thing . . . floats.



Last edited by diplo on Sat Aug 07, 2010 4:21 am; edited 1 time in total
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oh my god immaculate



Joined: 11 Mar 2010

PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:20 pm        Reply with quote

front page right now
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Mr. Mechanical
ontological terrorist


Joined: 04 Dec 2006
Location: Scare Room 99

PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:22 pm        Reply with quote

oh my god immaculate wrote:
front page right now


Seconding this.
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Ymer



Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Location: PAL region

PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:33 pm        Reply with quote

I reckon I could've learnt a thing or two about geometry if I'd tried drawing Starfox.
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dongle



Joined: 04 Dec 2006
Location: Berkeley, CA

PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:35 pm        Reply with quote

rules
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Dracko
a sapphist fool


Joined: 06 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:36 pm        Reply with quote

dongle wrote:
rules

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Loki Laufeyson
fps fragmaster


Joined: 05 Dec 2006
Location: Beneath the Mushroom Kingdom

PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:40 pm        Reply with quote

i like the big DR with robotnik in the top bit of the R

but the sealife is the real highlight
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analogos
bravely default crying fairy


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Location: did not attend the show physically, but played the drums via Skype.

PostPosted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:44 pm        Reply with quote

Quote:


all hail king bott
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DJ
Shaman Analyst


Joined: 05 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:00 am        Reply with quote

Mr. Mechanical wrote:
oh my god immaculate wrote:
front page right now


Seconding this.

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Mr. Apol
king of zembla


Joined: 04 Dec 2006
Location: a curiously familiar pit

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:12 am        Reply with quote

diplo more like hero
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This Machine Kills Fascis
Unfinite Indiscovery


Joined: 06 Dec 2006
Location: Inside Thomas the Tank Engine, screaming

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:12 am        Reply with quote

DJ wrote:
Mr. Mechanical wrote:
oh my god immaculate wrote:
front page right now


Seconding this.

Agreed.

Did we frontpage the old ones? I liked them a bit better.
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Loki Laufeyson
fps fragmaster


Joined: 05 Dec 2006
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:14 am        Reply with quote

the old childhood drawings thread? i think it's sticky in kop
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T.



Joined: 11 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:17 am        Reply with quote

i wish i had saved my childhood drawings :(

these are very cool (like all of your stuff)
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Sniper Honeyviper



Joined: 30 Aug 2009

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 1:20 am        Reply with quote

True story: for a second-grade school project, I wrote a 10-page illustrated fanfiction about the mad scientist who drives the pincer robot boss in Super Bomberman.

I actually still had it until a few years ago, when my mom threw it out. It was pretty amazing, but nowhere near as creative or skilled as ario's stuff :(
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Sniper Honeyviper



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PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 1:32 am        Reply with quote



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CubaLibre
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 2:10 am        Reply with quote


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P1d40n3



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PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 3:55 am        Reply with quote

Mr. Apol wrote:
diplo more like hero

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ionustron



Joined: 05 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 4:26 am        Reply with quote

This stuff really makes me want to track down my childhood drawings. I know I had a bunch of Prince of Persia maps...
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Broco



Joined: 05 Dec 2006
Location: Bestburg, Cobrastan

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:02 am        Reply with quote

I didn't draw when I was a kid, but I did write videogame fanfiction. When I was around eight, I wrote a story narrating the plot of Double Dragon and somehow got it published in the school newspaper. But the editor cut out without telling me several of the levels in the middle, totally ruining the dramatic buildup, and I was bitter about this for years. I wanted to post it here, but unfortunately, I can't find it right now (it's probably on some ancient floppy disk at my parents' place). Too bad, since it is probably a badass and tragic tale, with grim manly tears wept at the end as the brothers are torn apart by their mutual love for the girl they battled so hard to save.


But anyway, I did find some other videogame fanfiction that I had forgotten about until I looked in my files just now. When I was 11 and 12, I wrote three comedy SF stories starring swashbuckling space nerds "Sanders and Hoots". I was really proud of these at the time, and it's fun to reread them now since I had totally forgotten the details, and they aren't as bad as I thought they would be.

The first one, "The Orb", was my first real effort at writing fiction. It's heavily drawn from Star Control II, but it doesn't take place in the SCII universe as such: it also mixes in a lot of other common SF tropes. The style is drawn from the light SF/F novels I was mostly reading at the time, like Piers Anthony. The next one, "The Return", is a direct sequel I started writing soon after, but I got tired of it and stopped writing halfway through. The best parts of these stories are the scenes with the villainous numbered Lords, who are a mix between Darth Vader and the Ur-Quan Lords in Star Control.

Code:

                    --- --- --- The Orb --- --- ---

         "Tracking device unoperational."
"Damn!" exclaimed Sanders, slamming his fist on the computer console. "I
should have known the cloaking device had to be used! Now those
so called `Aiding probes' have destroyed both our tracking and cloaking
devices plus they are probably going to alert a destroyer!"
"I miscalculated," said Hoots.
"That `miscalculation', as you say, may have cost us our lives!" cried
Sanders.

         While we let Sanders calm down a bit, let's look at our heroes
for a bit. Master Pilot Sanders was a man of medium size, with a short
beard grown from staying a week in the Empire prisons. He had been too
busy to shave it. He had black hair and eyes as dark or darker than his
hair. He kept a broken PSU(Personal Shield Unit) because it looked good
on him. Sander's chest had scar from a weak disruptor blast, which was
the price he had to pay for constantly trying to escape while going to a cell in
the prisons. On his belt, he kept an old phaser (Copyright 3196) he had
found in the rebel ship he was currently piloting. He was very muscled.
Hoots was a man in the thirties, but he looked 20. He
always kept his portable scanner on his belt.


         Now let's look at the computer consoles. Both were flashing
with green lights. The control console had two red lights, which stood
for the tracking and cloaking devices. The two consoles had the standard
Earth II date: (Earth was destroyed in a tragic Galactic war in 3
B.D.O.E.(*Before Discovery Of Earth II*) ) Feb. 24, 3217. A mini-starmap
circled their present position: Delta Lyncis, a star that is about 500
light-years away from the Rebel Star at Zeta Persei. They did not have
enough fuel for this kind of travel, so they were landing on a planet to
locate mineral resources they could create more fuel with. On the
science console screen, there was a lot of information on the planet they
were landing on: Tectonics class 1- Almost no earthquakes or
explosions, Weather Class 3 - the occasional lightning bolt, and Class B
air status - full of oxygen. In other words, this was a liveable planet.

         "It looks like the perfect place to land on," said Hoots, after
looking at the screen for a while. "The problem is, our tracking device
is gone-"
"-Thanks to Mr. I'm Smart here-" interrupted Sanders,
"-and we stand a 1 to 100 chance of landing safely." Hoots finished,
ignoring Sanders' interruption.
"Well," said Sanders,"either we stay in space waiting to die from a
life-support breakdown or an Imperial Destroyer, or we attempt to land
and stand a great big chance of dying. Which do you prefer?"
"It's not a pleasant prospect either way, but I guess we're going to
have to land." said Hoots.
"I'm surprised!" exclaimed Sanders sarcastically. "You usually don't attempt
almost certain death!"
Trying to ignore Sanders' comment, Hoots said, "Computer, switch to
manual control." As they sped off into the atmosphere, Hoots muttered,
"I hate his ironic jokes."

                           *    *    *

         "Sir, vessel approaching."
"On screen," a deep voice said. (Ever hear of a science-fiction bad guy
without a deep voice?) The screen showed a small vessel, painted blue.
It was basically two spheres connected by a bar. It was constantly
spinning, and approaching fast. "Ah, an Aiding Probe. Communicate," said
the man. A robotic face appeared on the large round screen. It said in
the most robotic voice it could muster, "You are identified as Imperial
Lord 214. We must inform you of an important message. A yet unidentified
vessel crossed with this probe at a very high speed. A Level 3 phaser
was fired, and hit. We have detected some vaporized material in the
vicinity of the phaser hit, but the vessel escaped. This encounter was
made at coordinates 314.2, 539.6. The closest known star system from
this point is Epsilon Orionis. This is all the information available.
This probe now continues it's normal movement. Goodbye." Communication
stopped abruptly, and the probe streaked away. "Epsilon Orionis, eh!"
said Lord 214, in his deepest voice. We will check this out.
"Computer! Set a course for Epsilon Orionis!"

                           *    *    *

         "Hey, watch out! You're going too fast! Yeah, that's it, brake!
No, no! You're braking too much! The heat is increasing! Speed up a bit!"
cried Hoots, hysterically.
"Listen," said an angry Sanders, "I know what I'm doing! It's not for
nothing I'm a Master Pilot!"
"Pay more attention to your landing, you're going faster because of the
gravity! Watch out! It looks like a storm is building up there!"
Sanders' hand went to his phaser.
"Okay, no problem! I'll shut up!" said Hoots, for some reason not liking
phaser blasts.
The two managed to land, but not without ramming into a few hundred trees.
"You should have listened to me! The empire will probably go search for
us, and when they detect a biological disruption because of all those
trees you crashed in, they'll know where our ship is! But instead, you
threatened me with your phaser! Now that's just great!" cried Hoots.
"If you hadn't `miscalculated', destroying the tracking device, this
could never have happened!" retorted Sanders.
"Well -" said Hoots, but he couldn't find a suitable retort.
"Whatever, it's too late now! Let's find some food." said Sanders.
"I can't understand how he always changes the subject before I answer
back." muttered Hoots (He mutters often).

                           *    *    *

         "Sir, we are within sight of Epsilon Orionis." said the
monotone computer. "Good. Show me the objects orbiting around the sun."
said Lord 214. On the screen there were 8 planets, only one the right
distance to support life. "Sir, the second planet in orbit can be lived
on. We must approach the planet for a full tachyon scan." said the
computer. "Do so." If Lord 214 caught those two escaped scum-breaths,
he could go up 20 ranks!


         Every captain's desire was to become Lord 10, the Empire's best
captain. Captains constantly go up and down in rank. Unfortunately, this
also caused many assassinations and impostors. Lord 214 was an
experienced captain, for he had started, like everyone else in the army,
as Lord 999. Lord 999 has barely more power than a civilian, and gets
assassinated often. Lord 214 had long ago abandoned his civilian name,
Alexander Angelic. (In his time, he was the meanest guy in CyberSchool.(*
Even though he was also the weakest. *) ) Any number lower than Lord 10
had almost ultimate power. No captain's dreams went that far unless they
had a chance. (The dream-scanners forbid that.) - (Of course.)

         "Sir, the tachyon scan is terminated. This planet is liveable.
Do you wish to hear the anomalies in this planet's environment?"
said the computer suddenly.  "Yes, please. Whoops-" said Lord 214. The
computer made a full tachyon scan of Lord 214, made a clone, and
proceeded to vaporize the real one.(The penalty for being polite to a
computer is death, but the Empire still wants to keep it's good
captains.) The clone looked at the foul-smelling vapor for a moment, a
bit disconcerted. "I am never going to be polite to a computer ever
again," the clone promised himself. (From now on, we are going to refer
to the clone as Lord 214, since anyway, the one we were speaking about
earlier was the 18th clone.)

                           *    *    *

         After moving around for a few hours, the two rebels had found
all the food they needed. They decided to stop for a rest. "Finally!"
said Hoots. "My old body isn't made for this kind of travel!"
"Hoots, you're only 32," remarked Sanders.
"Well, you don't have to be old to be old... or something like that."
"Whatever. I'm too hungry to keep chattering with you." Sanders said. He
dug into some red banana-like things. "These are great!" he said after
gobbling a couple. Hoots was examining one of the `bananas'.
"This looks like a specimen of `Redimus Banatus'," said Hoots.
"Red bananas," translated Sanders through a munch of food.


         After eating all they could, our heroes went to search for a
place to sleep. They were too far from their ship to walk back. The two
found a cave near the place they ate. When a thorough biological scan
detected nothing, they quietly entered the cavern.
"Turn on your phase-torch," instructed Sanders.
With light, they could see the cavern clearly. It was quite small, and
surprisingly with no stalagmites. There was a real small sub-chamber
going to the right at the end of the cave. The sub-chamber was made of
a different rock, and Hoots could not identify it.


          "Scan that other type of rock," suggested Sanders. "There's
something weird about it."
"No problem!" said Hoots. He set his PTSD (Portable Tachyon Scanning
device) on the rock. (Every type of material emits tachyons, their
varying speeds tell of the material they are emitted by.) After reading
the tiny display screen for a while, Hoots said, "This is composed of
many chemical compounds, such as: (Blocked out for your continued
interest in this story). This sounds like ÄÄÄ hey, are you listening?"
Sanders was pulled out of his daydreams. (I said that list was long!)
"Huh? What?" Sanders exclaimed. Hoots sighed.
"I was saying that this chemical compound sounds like paint!"
Sanders' ears perked up. "An Empire storage cache?"
"Possibly... but I haven't scanned anything after the paint-"
"Doubly great!" Sanders cried. "We get enough fuel to get to the Rebel
Star, plus we get to make the Empire `CENSORED'!" (Sanders was very
enthusiast about making the Empire fall.)
"Don't be so sure," Hoots warned him.
"What else could it be?" said Sanders.
"I don't know, but the paint has some sion material that we usually use
to stop trion explosions when warping into QuasiSpace." said Hoots.
"So what!" cried an overexcited Master Pilot. "All it is is a change in
the paint recipe. Now is there any way to get through this ...um...
whatever the Empire uses for it's cache walls?" Sanders queried.
"But ÄÄÄ" attempted Hoots.
"But stop with your technobabble and answer me!!!" yelled Sanders,
really impatient to destroy some Empire materials.
"Well, about the only way to get through this is with some kind of
explosion." Hoots said, exasperated. "I know what you're thinking," he
added. "And why shouldn't I blast the wall with my phaser?" Sanders said.
"Um, because then the stalagmites will fall on us?" Hoots said
hopefully. Sanders looked up. "See any stalagmites?" Sanders asked.
Hoots was `Stuck in a corner'.
"Face it, Hoots. You're just scared of what's in there." Sanders said.
Hoots was angered. "I am not!" he cried. Then he crossed his arms and
sat in a corner. Sanders laughed.
"Hey, it worked when I was five!"

                           *    *    *

         "Anomalies are 1) Heavy destruction of biological life forms
near planetary coordinates X-129.3 Y-491.0 2) Energy source near
planetary coordinates X-129.3 Y-491.0 3) Energy source near planetary
coordinates X-121.4 Y-494.2." said the monotone voice of the computer.
"Hmm, double anomalies," said Lord 214. "This can't be anything but
those two scum." He was dreaming about being Lord 194. "Computer, set a
course for planetary Anomaly 2." The computer, with it's tracking device
intact, landed in the exact position with no problems. It had landed
directly beside the rebel ship. (In case you're wondering how Sanders
and Hoots got their Rebel ship from the Empire prisons, it's simple.
Empire scientists were examining it, to copy some technology, when
Sanders and Hoots barged in and stole the vessel.) The energy source was
their washing machine still working. (That should give you a lesson.)
Lord 214 quickly discovered that Sanders and Hoots were missing, so he
took the Rebel ship in his cargo bay to bring it back to Empire
scientists. Lord 214's measly brain could not think of anything else to
do than go to Anomaly 3. He would actually be quite surprised if the
two were there, since Rebel ships did not have energy scanners, and
Empire scanners couldn't detect small things like phase-torches. Anyway,
it was worth a try. "Computer, set a course for planetary Anomaly 3."

                           *    *    *

         "BZZZZ... KABOOM!" was heard as the phaser blasted its way
through the wall. "One more shot should do the trick," said Sanders.
Hoots put his hands to his ears. "BZZZZ... KABOOM!" Behind the dust an
oval door appeared. "Heh, heh! This will really make the Empire `Censure
- Express'!" cried Sanders.
"Watch your language," said Hoots. Sanders jumped over what was left of
the fake cave wall. Then, he attempted to push the door open. It moved a
millimeter. He wondered if he should shoot at it, but, at Hoots'
threatening look, he changed his mind. After about a half an hour of
work, and with Hoots' help, he managed to open the door.
"Phew, I had lots of trouble on that door," Sanders said.
"You're not the only one who pushed the door, you know," said Hoots.
"I pushed most of it,"
"So what if you pushed 51% of it?"
"Ha! You barely pushed it two millimeters."
"Ha yourself! If I had pushed it two millimeters, it would have taken
the whole day!"


         Sanders had a blank expression. "Hey, what are you staring at?"
said Hoots. He turned to the door. It was Hoots' turn to stare. The air
behind the door was vibrating at an incredible velocity. All the seven
colors of the rainbow shifted constantly. You felt power emanating from
the place. In the middle of all of this sat a floating sphere, an orb.
All Sanders could think of saying was "Definitely not an Empire cache."
After a while, the Orb(as they had decided to call it) had lost a bit of
its spell, so Hoots decided to scan the area. "Wow!" he said. "This
place is reeking with ions, bions, trions, and all the way to sextions.
You couldn't stand a meter from this thing without being instantly
mutated, fried, then warped to an unknown dimension. Any energy put on
this would cause an explosion. If you shot a phaser blast at `Yow!',
it would make the cave explode. Now, if you shot an X-class phaser at
maximum, it would make the solar system explode!" He shuddered.
"Now I understand why whoever put it here hid it so well," said Hoots.
Sanders found this great. If the rebels had possession of this superbomb,
they could bring a kamikaze ship to destroy the entire battlefleet of
the Empire!
"So, how do we get this on our ship?" asked Sanders, seeing an
opportunity of really hurting the Empire.
"That's the problem," said Hoots. "Picking it up is out of the question,
and using the tractor beam would destroy half the continent."
"There must be ÄÄÄ hey, what's that sound?"

                           *    *    *

         "Landing sequence activated." The motor dimmed down.
"Computer, open door," said Lord 214.
"Safety procedures rule 19 prohibits opening hatches during travel in
deep space." said the computer.
"[...] piece of junk." grumbled Lord 214. He put a slug on the door(He
always keeps one in reserve for these occasions.)
"Computer, conduct a Level 5 beam on the alien life form intruding on
this vessel." said Lord 214. A phaser beam shot out at the slug,
destroying the door as well. Lord 214 carefully moved over the molten
steel, with two computerized escorts following. Listening closely, he
heard two voices. "Watch out, it could be one of those Empire jerks,",
then "Why would would they be exactly here?"
"Ever heard of `energy scanners'?"
"This must be my lucky day," thought Lord 214.
"Escorts, ready your phasers."

                           *    *    *

         "I'm sure I heard a voice from outside," said Sanders. Hoots
sighed. "Okay, go check it out," said Hoots. He waited for a while.
Sanders came running back in. "Empire lackey!!!" he yelled.
"Oh no!" cried Hoots.
"Oh yeah!" said Sanders, finally having something interesting to do.
His back to the wall, Sanders put his phaser hand into the open and
fired a stream of shots. This was heard:
"Bzzzt... crackle! Rebel star located at Beta Procyon, Planetary Anomaly
1437. Now activating self-destruct system for all escorts.(POW!!!)"
Sanders blew on his phaser as if it was one of those old-fashioned guns
you saw the fossils of in the museums.
"Ya just gotta have the technique." he said to Hoots. "Hoots?" he said,
when the Rebel scientist did not respond. Then Sanders turned around.

         "I've got him hostage." said Lord 214. He was holding a
terrified Hoots by the neck, a phaser pointed to Hoots' head.
"Ah, rebels. They're nowhere close to the technology level of the
Empire. You should have expected a portable cloaking device. Don't you
know all captains have them? Well, now you do! It won't be of much worth
to you now, though." said Lord 214. Sanders could almost not contain the
fury inside him. Micrologists that made miniature cloaking device
demanded enough money to feed 1000 people for a lifetime! No wonder people
in the Empire were starving! Only soldiers got enough to live! These
kinds of things were one of the reasons why Sanders and Hoots were
fighting against the Empire. (And the reason why soldiers were fighting
against the Rebels.) "Now, let's see if there is any Rebel junk in
here that our scientists can study." Lord 214 moved to the back of the
cave, still holding Hoots. "Ah, Rebel scum," said Lord 214. "Don't you
know the good guys always win?" He laughed.

         Sanders wasn't really listening to the Empire captain's
insult, but instead forming a plan. Not a very complicated one, mind
you. This was his plan: "When the creep gets hypnotized by the Orb, I
shoot at his head and run like a dinosaur was after me." Still insulting
our two heroes, Lord 214 turned to the right at the back of the cave.
Seeing the Orb, he could not restrain a deep "Wow..." That's when a
little squeaky voice inside Sanders' head said "GO!!!" and Sanders
zapped Lord 214's head. 214 said "Ow!" and dropped his phaser. Sanders
was actually a bit surprised that Lord 214 hadn't been vaporized, until
he realized that his phaser had been set at `Yow!' level. He started
running into the forest, hoping Hoots would follow, setting his phaser
to maximum capacity. It promptly returned to `Yow!' after having a
collision with a branch.

         Hoots didn't need to be told ÄÄÄ he ran like crazy. He didn't
look back to see what Lord 214 was doing, he knew the captain was
readying his phaser. He ran into the underbrush, hoping the trees would
block the incoming phaser blasts. He heard a gigantic "BOOM!" that
shook everything. Hoots didn't want to know what it was. He got to the
Empire destroyer, and considered running into the forest forever, then
changed his mind. (He couldn't possibly survive without toilet paper.)

         Sanders came running to meet Hoots.
"What was that explosion?" said Hoots fearfully.
"You know that thing about a phaser at `Yow!' blowing up the cave?"
"Don't tell meÄÄÄ"
"Yup, it does blow up the cave. You didn't tell me about blowing up
Empire captains, though."
"The orb is still there, you know!"
"It is?"
"It is, but there's still no way to get it on the ship, much less
digging through the mountain without making a mistake and destroying the
planet."
"If we could lure the entire battlefleet..."
"The other Rebels wouldn't believe us, anyway."
"Maybe if there's a sequel..."
"Yeah, we could do that in a sequel!"
"Hurray!" cried Sanders.

         Our heroes had no problems destroying the security systems on
the vessel, and the door was already gone. Hoots changed the computer
system to obey their voices. They transferred enough fuel from the
destroyer to the Rebel vessel to get them to the Rebel Star. The two
brought the ship out of the destroyer's cargo bay. The motors whirred
on, and prepared to launch. Sanders' triumphant cry resounded throughout
the forest: "Computer, set a course for Zeta Persei!"


            *****  *   *  ****         ****  *   *  ***
              *    *   *  *            *     **  *  *  *
              *    *****  ****         ****  * * *  *  *
              *    *   *  *            *     *  **  *  *
              *    *   *  ****         ****  *   *  ***




Code:


                   --- --- --- The Return --- --- ---


         "Set a course to Zeta Persei!" echoed Sanders' triumphant
cry through the halls of the sleek Rebel ship.
"Umm, Sanders..." begun Hoots. A weak hum was heard as the engines
warmed up. "What is it?" demanded Sanders impatiently.
"Well, you know, the tracking device..."
"What about it?" Sanders thought an instant. A horrified expression
appeared on his face. "Malfunction. Cannot abort." said the computer, in
a voice as monotonous as ever.

         "Ohoh."

                            *    *    *

         Lord 9 was currently enjoying a massage from one of the ship's
female "employees". "I'm finished, Supreme Magnificent Lord 9." she
said in a despairing voice. (In part done on purpose for Lord 9's
enjoyment.) "This is the second time you missed a spot." he said in a
dark, deep voice. "We cannot tolerate such insubordination."
"Computer, vaporize crewman number, number, that girl in the room."
She started to scream, but it was stifled by a beam of raw energy.
The computer started making a funeral dirge.
"Computer, delete part of program currently running." Lord 9 said in an
annoyed(and dark, and deep) voice. He left, not caring at all about what
happened to the woman.

         These matters finished with, he decided to head to the holodeck
for some fun. He thought evilly that he would activate screnario 4.
(You're facing a horde of harmless, innocent, fleeing refugees with a
laser gun.) As he walked, people went far out of his way so as not to be
vaporized.(I hope you're starting to understand he's really, really,
mean.)

         Howewer, Before he got there, an annoying crewman popped up on
his integrated viewscreen. (Lord 9 made a mental note to vaporize him
later.) "Supreme Magnificent Lord 9, it is essential that you come to
the bridge immediately." the crewman said in a forced calm voice. It was
obvious he was working hard not to yell "9, get your butt here quick!",
but since he was going to be vaporized anyway, Lord 9 let it pass. He
headed for the bridge, since if a crewman risked getting vaporized to
get him to a place, it had to be important.

                            *    *    *

         The ship, its tracking device absent, went careening about in
all directions. In the air, it made some moves the ancient stunts planes
pilots would not even have dreamed of.(Triple looping with sixtuple
integrated corkscrews, for example.) Luckily for Sanders and Hoots, the
gravity inducer kept them all on their feet.

         "You should have told me before!" cried Sanders.
"I'm not the one who gave the command!" yelled Hoots.
"You broke the tracking device!"
"You would have made the same mistake!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"YeÄÄÄ"

         They were interrupted by a resounding crash.

         (INDETERMINATE NUMBER) HOURS LATER...

         Hoots lifted himself painfully from the rubble, and promptly
fell down again. "Ooh... I'll never complain about hangovers again." he
said weakly. "Right." an equally weak voice came from beside him.
"Sanders, you're alive!" cried Hoots, exhausting him.
"Hoots, we've crashed!" said Sanders, his tone of voice implying that he
had just said something totally obvious as an example, and that Hoots
did the same thing every minute.

         After resting a bit from saying sentences with exclamation
marks, the two lifted themselves up and stood wobbly upon the rubble.
Having regained energy, they started arguing again.
"It's all your fault!" said Hoots loudly. (They hadn't gotten enough
energy to yell.)
"You could have warned me!"
"I didn't have time - you said it too fast!"
"And the tracking device?"
"You would have done the same thing!"
"No, I disagreed with you!"
"Um, um, um," stuttered Hoots, unable to find a retort. As in most
cases, he then retired to a corner and muttered to himself.

         Sanders then observed the antimatter capsule. It did not even
have a scratch on it, being made of special something-um (Sanders could
never remember what he considered as "technobabble") plating, and being
in the middle of the ship. This way, it would never be destroyed with
the ship. It also had special auxiliary power for its magnetic holding
system and a handy self-destruct system that warped it into an unknown
dimension. All these precautions were necessary, because if it came in
contact with matter, it would:
         A) In space, blast the rest of the rebel squadron.
         B) On a planet, vaporize a handy bite-sized chunk (for giant
space monsters) of rock, thus making a gigantic volcano and destoying
the entire surface of the planet.

         Antimatter would be used as a weapon of war except for a few
(dozen) things. For one thing, it showed up as a blazing point on
positron scanners. In space, it would almost certainly be zapped by one
ship's dimensional transfer guns (Oh yes, they've figured out
dimensional travel. The only problem is, you never know where you'll end
up.) - for quick, clean, destruction, says the dimensional handgun
commercial. On a planet, it would be destroyed instantly by all the
anti-missiles on a base. In a more remote area, where you would want to
volcanoe the whole place dead, containment field machines would pop up
there and plug the hole faster than thunder. (F.T.L. engines aren't used
on-planet, but it's an expression) You might want to send a cloaked
missile, but antimatter is sooo detectable that a very powerful scanner
would detect it anyway. As for the usual strategy of sending so many the
enemy can't keep up, forget that because antimatter is REAL rare and can
only be found in very non-dense asteroid fields. (Because of its
annoying property of exploding whenever it touches matter.) Anyway,
let's get back to the story.

         "Well, the antimatter capsule is still intact, so we better
bring it to the Empire ship and take off to the Star!" said Sanders
cheerfully.
"No." muttered Hoots, angry about the loss of the argument. (You'd think
he'd have become used to it by now.)
"Well, in that case, we'll stay here forever, hunting to live."
"So?"
"We'll be in constant danger of being eaten by the local wildlife."
"So?"
"We might die from a deadly local disease."
"So?"
Sanders went for the kill. "And WE WON'T HAVE ANY TOILET PAPER." His
words echoed dramatically on the mountains.
Hoots stood up hastily. "Ok, ok, let's bring it to the ship!"

                           *    *    *

         As he entered the bridge, he noticed the strange image on the
main viewscreen. "I will have killed the one who plays video games on
the central computer." he said gravely. (Not that there was anything he
didn't say gravely, especially not since his operation on his vocal
chords.)

         "Um, great supreme Lord 9, we aren't playing video games." one
crewman said shyly. "This is for real," another one added hastily.
Indeed, the viewscreen showed two gigantic hornet-like creatures,
playing around with some very bizarre computers. In the back of them
there were quite a few octagonal holes in the wall, undoubtely some kind
of crew quarters. Lord 9 stared at them, convinced this was some kind of
joke, made by suicidal crew members.

         Then, one of them spoke. The sounds they made could not have
been simulated. It was a series of clicks, each sounding slightly
different than the others, making a very weird combination. What it said
sounded like this: "Click-Clacka-Clicki-Clack Clab-Clicka-Click."
For your convenience, we will provide a translated version of what they
said.

         "We come in peace." ClackClick said in a friendly way.
He recieved only confused stares.
"I said, we come in peace!" ClackClick stated again.
More stares.
"Hey, do you have a hearing problem, WE COME IN PEACE!!" he yelled.
Stares again.
"Hmm, maybe the translator isn't working right," mused ClabClicki.
"Yeah, I'll call the engineer." said ClackClick. "HEY, ClickClicka!
Get over here!" Another alien came close to them.
"What seems to be the problem?"
"The translator isn't working right."
"I'll make some delicate adjustments." The engineer bashed a console
with his mandibles.


(I stopped writing at this point)


Last edited by Broco on Mon Jul 19, 2010 8:45 am; edited 1 time in total
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Broco



Joined: 05 Dec 2006
Location: Bestburg, Cobrastan

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:02 am        Reply with quote

A year later, I returned to Sanders and Hoots with this much longer, untitled story, this time explicitly transplanting them into the Star Wars universe (and abandoning the Lord characters). What's funny is that practically my only exposure to Star Wars at that point was the X-Wing: TIE fighter game; I hadn't seen the movies or read any of the novels. I was also playing Wing Commander: Privateer around that time, which led me to imagine the rebel alliance as staffed with 100% mercenaries. This story's main feature is a series of bread-and-butter adventure-SF action scenes, following the pattern of the plan goes wrong, but things end up alright for our heroes anyway for different reasons.

You can see I matured a lot in the year since the last two stories: my prose is clearly more polished in this one, and the story flows well, without the confusing passages and intrusive jokes that plagued the previous two. However, it's not as imaginative as the earlier stories.

EDIT: This was a bit too long of a post, so here's an external link.
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boojiboy7
narcissistic irony-laden twat


Joined: 04 Dec 2006
Location: take me on a blatant doom trip.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:16 pm        Reply with quote

These are awesome. Makes me wish I had saved all the drawings of Sonic the Hedgehog levels I made in like 4th or 5th grade, all of which were way too long to actually be levels and featured really strange reconfigurations of sonic levels, ignoring most physics in the game.

I never drew a lot of videogame stuff aside from these, though.
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Daphaknee
a whole shitload of class


Joined: 31 Jan 2007
Location: nickel dime

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 12:35 pm        Reply with quote

i made a pacman's day off story but its forever gone and not nearly as colorful or imaginative as this


thanks for sharing
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Moogs



Joined: 06 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 2:27 pm        Reply with quote

I was inspired by WORLDS OF POWER and would often write short stories and books about video games. I had written an adaptation of Dragon Spirit and had started one for Castlevania III.

And I wrote short stories based on Axelay and Contra III for my high school English Lit. classes. The teacher I wrote the Axelay story for gave it a B- cos he didn't like science fiction.
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LandRoverAttack



Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Location: sagamihara, kanagawa

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 2:51 pm        Reply with quote

Guys why is this (awesome, amazing post) on Kotaku? How does something like this come to pass?

Probably all of my childhood drawings are related to video games somehow. I don't really want to remember them though, as I've always been painfully bad. Even relative to other children.
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Moogs



Joined: 06 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 3:25 pm        Reply with quote

Diplo's Sonic story is way better than anything Sega has come up with in years.

I should try and find all my little game design documents I made when I was a kid. I wrote one up for a "Super Mega Man" for the SNES before Mega Man X was even announced. I had all the robot masters drawn up, too, including an evil clone of Mega Man named Dyna Man (little did I know that you actually fought a clone of yourself in the first Mega Man).

I went all out when I was a kid; drawing up layouts for entire levels, enemies and their attack patterns, sometimes even point values. I'd explain how power-ups worked and what the strengths and weaknesses were. I'd even design title screens, for fuck's sake. I don't do anything even remotely that creative anymore. Closest I ever came to it was when I used the MTV Music Generator for the PS1 to make an "instrumental concept album" (which is complete horseshit; it's just a bunch of random music). I bought the second and third Music Generators thinking I was going to continue making music, but it never happened.
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Faithless
Wendy's Hole


Joined: 04 Dec 2006
Location: World 1-1

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 4:57 pm        Reply with quote

That art is actually really nice. Some of the pieces look really good. Like Battle Knights could be a hipster t-shirt.
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Deadcat



Joined: 02 Mar 2010

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:18 pm        Reply with quote

I drew a lot of Doom levels as a kid. Now I wish I still had them :(
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boojiboy7
narcissistic irony-laden twat


Joined: 04 Dec 2006
Location: take me on a blatant doom trip.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:19 pm        Reply with quote

LandRoverAttack wrote:
Guys why is this (awesome, amazing post) on Kotaku? How does something like this come to pass?


Hey, at least this time we got a link. Last time (the METAL GEAR EXISTED thread) we got no mention at all.
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CubaLibre
the road lawyer


Joined: 02 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:37 pm        Reply with quote

They don't bother to mention selectbutton.net or diplo/ario in the post anywhere. Fucks.

For almost a whole year in elementary school me and my friends would, for lack of a better term, play pretend at recess. We were all different badass characters derived from videogames and other nerd fiction. The thing was that we regularly "leveled up" and got more and more powerful abilities, which I meticulously kept track of in a notebook. Also we didn't fight each other, but rather banded together to fight completely imaginary enemies. The birth of my love for co-op?
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8128



Joined: 06 Jun 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:42 pm        Reply with quote

I used to draw kirby a lot

diplo can I use your sand palace and mario pieces as album covers in the future
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Daphaknee
a whole shitload of class


Joined: 31 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:15 pm        Reply with quote

CubaLibre wrote:
They don't bother to mention selectbutton.net or diplo/ario in the post anywhere. Fucks.



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CubaLibre
the road lawyer


Joined: 02 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:35 pm        Reply with quote

Turns out I can't read anything on kotaku because of the layout.
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diplo



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PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:37 pm        Reply with quote

edit: n/m

8128 wrote:
diplo can I use your sand palace and mario pieces as album covers in the future


only if the albums are very great
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Ronk
saucy Scott Pilgrim fanfic


Joined: 29 Dec 2008

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:38 pm        Reply with quote

incredible stuff, diplo

SelectButton
Im Bak to Life HA HA HA
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mavndrll



Joined: 10 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 10:23 pm        Reply with quote

man! the color choices are amazing. I would pay very good money for some of these on skate decks!
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Dracko
a sapphist fool


Joined: 06 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 10:50 pm        Reply with quote

Man, I wonder where my childhood scraps are.

Though I doubt they were anywhere near as good as this stuff.
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another coma
NeoGAF Reject


Joined: 05 Dec 2006
Location: the wrong museum

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 11:17 pm        Reply with quote

Even as a young child I was very critical of my art and destroyed everything shortly after making it. Lost are countless depictions of Sonic, Kirby, Mega Man, Mario, Mortal Kombat ninjas, Earthworm Jim, and even a few Arwings courtesy of MS Paint's line/bucket tools. Really wish I still had any of the last one.
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alice
not nana komatsu


Joined: 05 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 11:30 pm        Reply with quote

those drawings have such nice tone and detail.

I think it's time I do some digging too.
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Ymer



Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Location: PAL region

PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 12:39 am        Reply with quote

In early elementary school I would actually draw various platforming stages on paper and actually get people to play these. It would involve me holding a small eraser representing the controllable character and then having people shouting commands such as "forward", "up", "jump" and "punch". I would then move the eraser accordingly across my sheet of paper and have my players progress across an overworld and everything. I think I actually had a whole drawer at my school dedicated solely to these sort of maps. I might even have a few saved somewhere.
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secret character



Joined: 12 Jul 2008

PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 2:42 am        Reply with quote

diplo wrote:
Bandwidth Exceeded


Thanks, kotaku.
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Joined: 18 Dec 2006
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 2:57 am        Reply with quote

oh shit son

welp
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