[brckrd!]

I'm a few hours into the campaign, and I gotta agree that the writing is kinda ass so far. I'm going to reserve my full judgment until I finish the game, though.
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[brckrd!]

So there I was doing my ranking matches when I get paired up against a Protoss player. I start off with "glhf" and he responds with "thanks baby girl". At this point I knew I was in for a treat.
I'm doing a normal 12 pool build and send a drone over to scout. I see a really early (as in before a gateway) forge already completed and a cannon going up so I'm thinking he's going to cannon rush or something. Anyway, I expand and then tech up to Hydralisk. I pump a few out and get the range upgrade when he says "GG". I suck at Starcraft 2 so I'm thinking "Oh shit, he must have outmacro'd the hell out of me and has a mothership rush coming!" So I send an overseer to scout out what his ace in the hole is.
Three void rays.
Against my 9 hydralisks with range and damage upgrade.

What follows is about 10 minutes of him sending 4-5 void rays at a time against my swarm of hydralisks. He then spends the next 15 minutes begging me to surrender so he can rank up and "stop playing newbs in bronze", all the while absolutely filling his base with cannons. So I tech up to Broodlords and start sniping his cannons and pylons all the while responding with "nty" to his pleas.

In his death throes, he pauses the game and says he's going to smoke. Having destroyed everything but his forge, I take this chance to make a cup of coffee and open my arcade stick parts that came in the mail. About 15 minutes later, I am ready to go ahead and finish the game up and unpause it. He immediately pauses again (which means one of two things; he was lying about smoking and has just sat there vigilantly, waiting those 15 minutes until I finally decide to unpause... or he smokes inside which can't be too good for the smell of his furnishings). This repeats until he runs out of pauses (he has three) and then he finally surrenders. Watching the replay back, I could have won of a multitude of occasions if I only had scouted a bit more. Or sent my roach army against his few cannons. Lesson learned.
53 minute game.

In short: what the fuck did I just sit through
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[brckrd!]

Thanks for the advice. I really need all that I can get.
I only know what I read on liquipedia... which isn't that much. I think my biggest problems is lack of aggression. I'm completely clueless when it comes to knowing when to attack, but I guess that's where more effective scouting will come in.

I do excel at wrecking bad Terran players with baneling busts, though.
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[brckrd!]

What it reminds me of is when Street Fighter 4 was first released: Kens. Kens everywhere shoryukening everything. Shoryukens on wake up, shoryukens across the screen, shoryukens everywhere. They're not getting any better or learning anything about the game and neither is the person playing against them.

During that game of mine I described on the previous page, I actually asked the person (as he was begging me to surrender so he could rank up) why he would possibly want to rank up? His all-in, void rush (that wasn't even that fast) will just lose even harder in the higher ranks. He just responded with "I know. But please!". I think there's a lot of cheese because it's just more attractive to many players to get the occasional win with minimal effort... compared to actually learning the game.
Just as a flowchart Ken player rubs his/her thumb against the bottom right (or left, depending on position) of the d-pad and mashing R1 rather than learning about the concept of footsies and zoning.

It's just aggravating because I'm not good at Starcraft 2 as it stands so I'm stuck in the lower ranks for now. And it's practically swarming with players who cheese so I don't think I'm learning as well as if I were to play someone around my skill level actually trying out a standard build.
To put it in Street Fighter terms, I'm learning to block but I'm not learning about zoning, mindgames, mixups or footsies.
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[brckrd!]