[cake]

• save the world
• shoot people

[BotageL]

Better quit now.
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http://www.mdgeist.com/

[winkerwatson]

[Predator Goose]

As long as we're wishing: QTEs. Sitting through unskippable cutscenes.
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I can no longer shop happily.

[L]

• die
  
• pilot a flying vehicle
  
• be part of any sort of military or government organisation
  

[Teflon]

Play a grim dark grimdark reimagining of a popular universe.

sign up for an extraneous third party layer on top of a perfectly useful online service already in place in a console game in order to play online

buy the DLC to reach a place clearly visible on the map of the original release

do a 100 hit combo by tapping a single button

go into options to invert the Y axis

go into options to uninvert the X axis

have a conversation with an anthropomorphized save point in which it explains the concept of saving a game in-character

be warned of the autosave feature more than once

see the Havok, CRI or Dolby logo

[boojiboy7]

[L]

[Mikey]

[L]

This thread should probably stick to things that the player-character does, or is being motivated to do.

[LandRoverAttack]

• escort
• escape
• endure

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[Loki Laufeyson]

be interrupted so i can be told what each button does, after already figuring it out myself by pressing them.

watch a cutscene that isn't either the ending, or an intro that appears if i don't press anything at the title screen, especially if the cut scene is characters standing still and talking for more than 5 seconds, or something that looks really cool and should really be part of the game

see a character select screen full of blank boxes/question marks/padlocks

[HarveyQ]

i just want the ability to skip cutscenes and tutorials. just give me that one little consideration, game developers. sometimes i just want to replay a shootmans game without being reminded of how to shoot mens. i learned that the first time i played your stinkin' game, you don't have to remind me every time!!

seriously, replaying the half hour of, say, your average Zelda game? is a boring chore. because i have to go through all the annoying HOW TO PLAY type shit again.

i mean why do we even need tutorials, that's what the fucking manual is for.

[TXTSWORD]

Hear an unironic one-liner or smarmy quip of any kind

cover shoot

Engage in a friction devoid combat in which "it don't feel like nothin" (cod blops zombie mode.... nghh)

play for x hours to unlock basic game functionality

mandatory tutorial of any kind - I'll learn shit on my own if you'll just let me play the videogame

buy DLC in general (I can't think of a single time where the cost was justified)

Get bombarded with achievements like "Started playing" "Completed a chapter" and the like, that devalue achievements more than they already have been by existing.

Time challenges or time based solo races

I probably just don't want to play another FPS for a really long time at least

Be involved in a "hey this isn't a custscene lol" scene where you're given a little freedom of movement to hit things that don't react or walk/jump around acting goofy while NPCs talk at you.

[TXTSWORD]

[Loki Laufeyson]

tutorials and cutscenes alienate non-regular game players as much as they do us. who are they for?
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http://lunaticobscurity.blogspot.com/ - newest post: Snezhaja Koroleva (Arcade)
http://lunargarbagehell.blogspot.com/ - newest post: Batman: Digital Justice

[negativedge]

slow motion anything ever

except max payne you are awesome max payne

[Auptie]

[TXTSWORD]

[L]

Why is "summoning" even a thing that is taken for granted in RPGs.

It's something that makes no sense outside of D&D but everyone just goes with it because of the colours and explosions.

[shnozlak]

level-up
Be tutorialized.
Pump 30 rounds into someone without producing death.
Have 3 rounds pumped into me without a game over or at least serious bleeding occurring.
Bounce in game object off an NPC's face without them giving a shit.
Pilot/be a silent protagonist in a completely linear game.
Play a mutliplayer game in which game elements (particularly weapons) cant be turned off or configured.
Perform overly complex scripted actions.
Swing/fire my X at something without it connecting.
Not be able to (accidentally) kill story important characters in a game that gives me a weapon.

See bloom in any context other than moments after emerging from darkness into overwhelming sunlight.
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Mixtapes galore ~ VG MUSIC
ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ http://phantom-photon.tumblr.com/

[TXTSWORD]

Play a Good/Evil dynamic character in which the game rewards you for maxing out on one of the personalities, and playing any other way is punished.

Play a sandbox game where you do the same three mission types 100 times each spread out across the city. (spiderman games, assassins creed, infamous)

collect 100 meaningless hidden somethings across the world for an achievement. (not that I ever actually did this to begin with)

[TXTSWORD]

I NEVBER WANNAN USE A CONTROLLER AGAIN

*j/k microsoft, eat shit kinect.*

[Auptie]

[T.]

[Sly Buccelli]

In a similar vein to TXTSWORD, collecting copious amounts of useless rubbish, especially if doing so is gonna make me deviate from my path just for the sake of getting the rubbish. Example: Psychonauts.

[Dracko]

have fun
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[TXTSWORD]

WILTS THOU INSCRIBE THOUTST MEMORIES, TRAVELER?

that's probably what saving would look like in Dark Souls if the bamco marketing team got ahold of it.

[drobe]

I'd be okay if:

SOMETHING REALLY COOL AND COMPLEX HAPPENS

Didn't happen when I only press a single button.

Re: Takedowns.
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http://i.imgur.com/9ATgokP.gif

[Sly Buccelli]

[Elder Toups]

This should be a podcast topic.

[Teflon]

[glossolalia]

[Broco]

[glossolalia]

based on my experiences with wii games i think the only people who "like" (although that's a strong word) tutorials are older people who are basically nervous about the prospect of playing a videogame at all. anyone who can figure out how to use itunes on their own hates them if they last longer than five seconds.

[Maztorre]

[haze]

• think with portals
• kill jesus-figure
• shoot the core
• go for a burger with the president
• feed on a tree frog
• cry

[allensmithee]

i never want to have a console game/game my computer is perfectly compatible with fuck up because the developers were fucks who can't make games

i never want to experience extremely awkward and underdeveloped "romances" again. actually, extremely awkward and underdeveloped anythings with anybody i don't want to happen again.

I never want to be told Rockstar games have good stories ever again, and i am absolutely right they do not because of the above point
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[Gironika]

having to do "license"-tests in a racing game - well, let's be honest, racing action game, I'm looking at you, GT5.

Can you imagine, say, Daytona USA …
- having you drive through turn 1 five times?
- having you drive through turn 2 five times?
- having you drive through turn 1 AND 2 five times?
- having you drive through turn 3 five times?
- having you drive through turn 4 five times?
- having you drive through turn 3 AND 4 five times?
- and finally letting you drive one lap?

Go fuck yourself, GT5 and die a cruel death with your fucking license tests which are more than just useless and worse than any tutorial can ever be.
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[glossolalia]

[Kinto]

Operate complex machinery a single, large, red button that does precisely what I need that thing to do at that exact moment in time.
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