[parker]

I met a girl one time. She drove across half the US just to come see me. She lived with me for awhile. We were going to get married I guess. She had to go back to school though, just for one semester to be in a play, then she'd come back. That was three years ago, she's still in school, haven't seen her since, etc. What I'm saying is, it didn't turn out too good. And me, I haven't been with a girl since. I prefer masturbation to intimacy with human beings now.

Getting a girl is easier than getting free AOL hours though, especially what with all the myspace teen friendship pages and whatnot out there these days. Even if you're ugly or misshapen, out there somewhere you're somebodies fetish.