[Kurenai]

Hey guys. Most of you don't know me or remember me. I used to be more active on the IC forums way too long ago. Not that it matters.

Pro-wrestling is a niche pastime, much like videogames. I don't expect everyone to like it or respect it. This story, however, has seeped into mainstrem news with the usual suspect headlines, basically screaming "roid rage". Beyond the fact that esteroid abuse has not been confirmed, the real crux of the matter lies elsewhere. If you have never followed wrestling, this will never impact you as hard as it did to us who do. Let me try to explain why this is so harrowing.

Chris Benoit was an exemplary man for the industry of wrestling. He was a superb athlete, a great entertainer and a professional in the locker room, but if you follow the "behind the scenes" something was always evident: everyone who knew or had met Benoit in real life, be it fans o performers, had nothing but praise for him, for his kindness and generosity, his love for wrestling and how caring he was with his family and friends. It's hard for me to draw a parallel in the mainstream media because even the nicest celebrity you can think of could have a dark side and you wouldn't be surprised about it. Not Benoit.

The minute I heard about him and his family found dead, I thought it was some stupid accident like leaving the gas on... my exact thoughts were "this wasn't the way Benoit was supposed to go". Then the details emerged and it was all like a horrible dream. I don't blame people for watching videos of "The Canadian Crippler" NOW and thinking he was a madman all along (he was called the "rabid wolverine", he was supposed to bring rawness and intensity to the ring), but the truth is that even the guys that knew him well for years and spent 300 days a year with him didn't see this coming at all.

Most of us fans are confused as how to feel since he was nothing short of a sports hero, someone who we cheered and celebrated. This isn't like Eddie Guerrero, where we can all celebrate him in dead. It feels wrong to have admired a murderer... but does the horrible things he did in his last days erase all the good he did in his lifetime? It's a hard question and everyone is dealing with it as best as they can.

Me, despite the fact I hate what he did, I can't bring myself to hate him. While there was some deliberation in his acts and the responsibility lies squarely on his shoulders, I want to believe something sent him over the edge and he ended killing himself not because he feared prosecution, but because he couldn't live with what he did. Maybe I'm being too kind with a man who took the life of his wife and 7 year old son, a man who I never met in real life, but it helps me reconciliate this image of a generous and noble entertainer with that of a broken human being.

Again, it's hard for me to give an adequate, closer example relating to Select Button, since there's a detachment between us and, say, game designers... but well, my point is, whenever I see the blanket response of "wrestlers are fucked up, potential murderers bursting with roid rage", there are a few wrestlers that in my mind would fit the category, but the pain in the community lies with the fact that, by all accounts, Chris Benoit was not one of them. He pulled a 180° over a weekend, and while some wish he rots in the hell, some try to rationalize his acts, some are watching their tapes trying to find hints of a deranged mind, or a cry for help... the fact remains that he was the last guy you would think of doing this, and it still doesn't make any sense at all.

Anyway, just wanted to offer some perspective form the side of wrestling fandom... thanks.