[CubaLibre]

[GcDiaz]

[Daphaknee]

[internisus]

So once I got too drunk and didn't think so, so I got pissed off when my step-mother dragged me home from the bar where my dad's band was playing and told me that I was frightening our family friends. After we got home, we started fighting, police showed up for some reason and wanted me to calm down, and left when I convinced them I was going to bed. My dad had to come home early because of the cops' interest, family friend tried to reason with me and I was all "I like you George so why are you doing this to me?" (presumably meaning taking not-my-side), and I essentially blamed my father for my mother's death and punched him twice in the side of his head when he tried to follow me and get me to come back in the house. I wandered around the neighborhood with my little sister trying to get me to come home (I kicked her once when she got too close to me because she was like working for my dad from my perspective) and my dad driving around in his car to keep an eye on me. When I finally went home and got up the next morning I discovered that I had also destroyed a chair and ripped up a bunch of cigarettes all over the place.

I have absolutely no ability to determine to what extent I became angry out of provocation and to what extent I was just a belligerent drunk, but this is by far the worst and most regrettable incident of my life and I'll never stop feeling awful about it.

The only other time I ever fucked things up on alcohol was when I freeloaded with friends at their apartment in Connecticut and drank too much in anticipation of a small party that barely happened (one couple showed up). I didn't remember drinking as much as I apparently did, and eventually I seem to have gone into the (carpeted) living room, taken my shirt off, vomited in three places, laid down on my back on the floor, and gone to sleep. I felt really bad about that, and I still don't really understand how it happened.

Every other time I have had drink (which is typically a few times a month) I have been just fine and exercised normal self-control and behavior. I have no idea how these two things happened, but they were pretty spectacular failures.

Not going to tell real stories about girls here; none of them really seem like spectacular failures, except perhaps for the one bitch who told me on the phone after two or three of what I had perceived as dates that "oh! you didn't think... you know I have a boyfriend, right?" She seemed like a nice girl, so I shouldn't say "bitch"; I'm just really lousy at the whole seduction / we-are-not-friends thing outside the party-->one-night-stand type of situation.

[Elder Toups]

internisus wins the thread so far. (Wo)Man up, SB!!

[Pavement]

One time I was at this beachside gym/tennis club with some friends and I fell off a balcony into a series of blackberry bushes (no alcohol)
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The longer you play this game, the worse it gets.

[Koji]

This thread is a winnar.

I still have nothing to share, but I'm sure that my life is full of spectacular failures... I think my memory is just being merciful.

[internisus]

I was at a party once and someone yelled "who wants to be thrown off the porch!" and I was all "Oh, oh, me! I do!" and this guy from the swim team who didn't like me picked me up and threw me off the porch.

No one seemed to notice or miss me as I stood up and yelled something like "Yeah! I got thrown off the porch!" and, embarrassed, walked straight home.

I broke a finger and didn't realize it because I had never broken a bone, so when it turned black and I couldn't move it I just kind of freaked out and left it alone for two weeks. Now the last joint of my left ring finger is over-pronounced. The worst part was that I could barely play guitar for a whole year.

But yeah. I asked to be thrown off a porch in my enthusiasm to be a fun party guy.

[Daphaknee]

so i work as a dog trainer at a dog daycare and well we have this crazy jack russel terrier named DUTCHESS
and shes not supposed to be with little dogs becuase she is a terror, and she will eat them no questions asked.
well SOME DUMB NEW BITCH put dutchess on the small dog thinking "oh jack russels are small" even though there are notices everywhere and everyone knows that this dog is fucking nuts and needs to be with dogs bigger than her

well dutchess bites a shih tzu in the head and POPS THE SHIH TZU'S EYEBALL OUT
so oh god panic panic vet visit. we take the shih tzu to the vet and they put the eye back in (we had to hold its head in a towel becuase no one wanted to look at an eyeball dangiling everwhere). we start heading back when we notice that the eye is all bloody and n ot looking in teh same place that the other eye is. back to the vet, turns out they put the eye in WRONG and so they had to remove it and then finally put it back in correctly.

so the new bitch and the vet failed
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the internet's

[internisus]

I am glad to know that if my eyeball ever pops the fuck out of my head* someone can put it back in okay.

*I have big eyes, don't get enough sleep, and drink too much coffee, so I always feel like this is a major possibility.

[Elder Toups]

Man internisus is still winning this thread no questions asked. We should change his custom forum title to "I want to be thrown off the porch"

[Daphaknee]

oh yeah there was the time where i was riding my bicycle and i fell off and landed completly wrong, so i got a compound fracture in my arm.
i snapped both the bones in my arm and they totally came the fuck out of my arm, horror movie broken bone style. i was pretty far from home and didnt know what to do so i decided to bike back home.
with my arm broken, i tried to grab onto the left handle of my bike which just made my bone try to come out MORE it seemed. like every time i closed my fist or tried to my bone would move around god it was the worst pain.
so i am riding home screaming at my fucking bloody death-arm, when these two kids walk by, and they see me and i just start screaming and them and kind of wiggle my arm around, they literally TAKE OFF RUNNING in the other direction.

i finally get home nad my mom takes me to the hospital and stuff, but yeah i was pretty retarded about my broken arm.

-----

OH there was a time when i was 14 or 15 and i was walking down el camino real doing nitrous (walking and doing nitrous is a spectacular failure in itself) but i passed out and fell face first into a pole, knocking me out. since my friends were high and also teenagers they just left me there, i woke up i think a couple of hours later and went home.
every rtime i drive by that goddamn pole i get embarrassed for doing something so dumb.


my failures arent really SPECTACULAR, theyre just kinda funny
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the internet's

[Daphaknee]

[greensea]

So last week I went to an informational meeting on joining a specific fraternity. At this school, it's really tough to go to parties on the weekends unless you are in some sort of fraternity or sorority. There were around thirty guys sitting in a circle. To start the meeting, we were asked to introduce ourselves, mention our major, and then discuss a "fun fact". It quickly became clear that "fun fact" meant "crazy story involving alcohol and/or girls". There were even a couple of alumni there, and the oldest one (he was probably sixty) had a story involving SIX GIRLS so as it got closer to being my turn, I began frantically racking my brains for any sort of story that was worthy of contribution. I wasn't able to come up with anything, so when it was my turn I talked about how I have only suffered three real injuries in my life and how they are all to the same part of my body. No one laughed so I set in embarassed silence for a few seconds until the next person launched into a thrilling account of waking to find himself pissing on his own dorm room door :(

[SplashBeats]

http://forums.selectbutton.net/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=435

i kid i kid

one time i got trashed at some dude's house, tried to fix his broken PS2 and broke it further (we wanted to play nba 2k5) then pissed on his laundry and left

this is how i used to drink in high school!

[DaleNixon]

I started a fight club and got a few broken bones.
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[Elder Toups]

DaleNixon thats not a failure don't make me Ban you.

[DaleNixon]

But the club only lasted for one night. And I received said injuries that night. And my landlord came over the next day to congratulate me for being such a jackass :(
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[Predator Goose]

[Elder Toups]

Still not in failure territory. More like one night of success.

[Swimmy]

Once, my brother and a friend of my sister were having a little flirty pillow fight. I was sitting in a recliner watching TV. She ran behind me to hide, and my brother lifted up his pillow to clobber her from my front. In a heroic (playful) gesture, I put my hand up to protect her. My brother hit my hand and broke my finger.

So I have a doubly lame broken bone combo: broken in a flirting accident when I wasn't the one flirting, and broken by a pillow.
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[Lurky]

[internisus]

[slipstream]

[GcDiaz]

I once got Employee of the Month, making me a winner and a loser at the same time.[/dmitri martin]

I still have the t-shirt. Never wore it, of course.
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Steam/PSN/Xbawks: GcDiaz

Let's bring sexy back!

[Daphaknee]

even i got employee of the month, its no big deal
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